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Flashing lights, large screens ablaze with animated graphics reminiscent of the oughties. The CPAC logo spins around as generic rap-rock blasts across the crowd. <\/em><\/p>\n<\/div>\n\n
Announcer:<\/strong> Ladies and gentlemen, it\u2019s time for the DOGE update. Please welcome Newsmax host, Rob Schmitt. <\/p>\n<\/div>\n\n
Schmitt:<\/strong> Man. That is a big crowd. And they are not here for me. <\/p>\n<\/div>\n\n
Schmitt:<\/strong> How you guys doing? Nice vibe this month, right? After the best month we\u2019ve ever had. Nice to see you. Thanks for coming out. It\u2019s good to see you. Let\u2019s not kill any more time, let\u2019s bring out Elon Musk.<\/p>\n<\/div>\n\n
Crowd goes wild. Elon Musk enters stage, pumping both fists high in the air, walking slightly unsteadily. He is wearing a black MAGA baseball cap and sunglasses that look like they were bought in a gas station in 1989. He continues to pump his fists as he makes his way in front of the beige arm chairs at the front of the stage. Rob Schmitt attempts to get his attention, but he turns and waves at the crowd. <\/em><\/p>\n<\/div>\n\n
Schmitt:<\/strong> We\u2019ve got one more surprise, in case this wasn\u2019t enough.<\/p>\n<\/div>\n\n
Musk:<\/strong> Well, President, uh, President Milei has a gift for me.<\/p>\n<\/div>\n\n
Schmitt:<\/strong> [hamming at camera] <\/em>Javier Milei from Argentina, you guys know who that is, right?<\/p>\n<\/div>\n\n
Milei, a friendly-looking figure who resembles Bilbo Baggins right before he Smeagolifies, enters the stage carrying a chainsaw. He presents the chainsaw to the billionaire, who then waves it around unsteadily. <\/em><\/p>\n<\/div>\n\n
Musk:<\/strong> This\u2026 is\u2026 the chainsaw for bureaucracy. [pumps the chainsaw in the air] <\/em>CHAINSAAAW! <\/p>\n<\/div>\n\n
He takes a beat to examine the chainsaw. He is still wearing his sunglasses. He turns around and starts wandering to the other side of the stage, waving the chainsaw around.<\/em><\/p>\n<\/div>\n\n
Milei lurks awkwardly in the background, trying to wave goodbye to Musk, before Schmitt takes notice.<\/em><\/p>\n<\/div>\n\n
Schmitt:<\/strong> Mr. President, thank you so much. Nice to meet you. I love it. We love it. <\/p>\n<\/div>\n\n
Musk\u2019s attention snaps to Milei. The two men shake hands with the Argentinian president, who then departs.<\/em><\/p>\n<\/div>\n\n
Musk:<\/strong> Where should we put this \u2014<\/p>\n<\/div>\n\n
Schmitt:<\/strong> They want it right here. [moves the chainsaw] <\/em>A little stage prop.<\/p>\n<\/div>\n\n
Crowd screams for Elon<\/em> Musk.<\/em><\/p>\n<\/div>\n\n
Musk:<\/strong> I love you guys too!<\/p>\n<\/div>\n\n
Schmitt:<\/strong> Thanks guys. Have a seat. <\/p>\n<\/div>\n\n
The two men settle into the armchairs.<\/em><\/p>\n<\/div>\n\n
Schmitt: <\/strong>So, uh. Heheh. That was something.<\/p>\n<\/div>\n\n
Musk:<\/strong> [ineffectually suppressing grin]<\/em> I am become meme. <\/p>\n<\/div>\n\n
Schmitt chuckles obsequiously.<\/em><\/p>\n<\/div>\n\n
Musk:<\/strong> Yeah. Pretty much. I was living the meme. It\u2019s just \u2014 I was living the dream, and I was living the meme, and that\u2019s, pretty much what\u2019s happening. <\/p>\n<\/div>\n\n
Musk:<\/strong> I mean, DOGE started out as a meme. Think about it! [laughs]<\/em> Now it\u2019s real!<\/p>\n<\/div>\n\n
Schmitt:<\/strong> [smiling affably]<\/em> So \u2014<\/p>\n<\/div>\n\n
Musk:<\/strong> [to audience, sunglasses still on]<\/em> Isn\u2019t that crazy!<\/em><\/p>\n<\/div>\n\n
Schmitt:<\/strong> It is, it is crazy.<\/p>\n<\/div>\n\n
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\u201cI was living the dream, and I was living the meme, and that\u2019s, pretty much what\u2019s happening.\u201d<\/p>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n
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Schmitt:<\/strong> Let me ask you this. A year ago, if someone had told you you\u2019d be at CPAC and working with the president to absolutely shred [dramatic pause]<\/em> the government \u2014 the swamp \u2014 whatever you want to call it. Would you believe that? <\/p>\n<\/div>\n\n
Musk:<\/strong> No. [snickers]<\/em> But it\u2019s cool! This is awesome. And I just wanna say, thanks for your support, I mean. <\/p>\n<\/div>\n\n
Musk:<\/strong> You guys are. You know. We\u2019re, you know, we\u2019re trying to get good things done, but also, like, you know, have a good time doing it and, uh, you know, and have, like, a sense of humor.<\/p>\n<\/div>\n\n
Musk:<\/strong> You know. So, like, I mean, the sort of the left wanted to make comedy illegal, you know, you can\u2019t make fun of anything. So this is, like, comedy suuuuuucks. It\u2019s like, nothing\u2019s funny. You can\u2019t make fun of anything. <\/p>\n<\/div>\n\n
He waves his arms so emphatically that the large gold chain he\u2019s wearing clanks against his mic.<\/em><\/p>\n<\/div>\n\n
Musk:<\/strong> It\u2019s like, LEGALIZE COMEDY! YEEEAH! Legalize Comedy! <\/p>\n<\/div>\n\n
Schmitt:<\/strong> And we\u2019ve shifted the entire culture in just the last few months, the whole culture of this country has shifted dramatically just because of that election. <\/p>\n<\/div>\n\n
Musk:<\/strong> Yeah, exactly. Freedom of speech, having fun again, it seems like we should\u2026 We should have a good time. You know?<\/p>\n<\/div>\n\n
Schmitt:<\/strong> I mean, it\u2019s a great time. Everybody in this place is so excited, and I haven\u2019t, I mean, when you talk to conservatives, everybody\u2019s happy.<\/p>\n<\/div>\n\n
Musk:<\/strong> [nodding emphatically] <\/em>Yeah. <\/p>\n<\/div>\n\n
Schmitt:<\/strong> And everybody feels this great sense of relief, because we were going to hell for about four years. <\/p>\n<\/div>\n\n
Schmitt:<\/strong> It really felt bad, especially toward the end, it felt really bad. <\/p>\n<\/div>\n\n
Musk:<\/strong> [still nodding] <\/em>Yeah. I mean, I thought, I thought we were sort of heading for a point of no return really, you know, until, um, that\u2019s why it was so essential that President Trump win the election and, and that there, there be a Republican majority in the House and Senate, which, thanks to you [gestures generally at CPAC audience] <\/em>that, that has been accomplished. Yeah.<\/p>\n<\/div>\n\n
Schmitt: <\/strong>I want to ask you, one of the biggest questions I have for you is \u2014 you\u2019ve been, you know, politically, you weren\u2019t really on one side or the other for a long time. You were a businessman, a lot of people, they stay away from it now. You\u2019re on a side, you\u2019ve chosen a side. You\u2019re sitting here in a MAGA hat. How did that happen? What was the moment? <\/p>\n<\/div>\n\n
Musk:<\/strong> It\u2019s like, you know, dark gothic MAGA. [preens over his hat, which features MAKE AMERICA GREAT in a blackletter typeface]<\/em><\/p>\n<\/div>\n\n
Schmitt:<\/strong> That\u2019s a good one. Was there a specific moment? Was there a moment that it all changed? <\/p>\n<\/div>\n\n
Musk:<\/strong> Yeah, when I realized I was a fool.<\/p>\n<\/div>\n\n
He laughs, and his chain clanks against his mic again. <\/em><\/p>\n<\/div>\n\n
Musk:<\/strong> But no, I was, I guess, uh\u2026 yeah, I mean, I\u2019d say, I was like, politically neutral for, for quite a while. You know. You know, leaning a little Democrat. You know. [winces theatrically]<\/em><\/p>\n<\/div>\n\n
Schmitt:<\/strong> So then how do you go from that to this<\/em>? [points at CPAC audience]<\/em> <\/p>\n<\/div>\n\n
Musk:<\/strong> [sigh]<\/em> Well, uh, it \u2014<\/p>\n<\/div>\n\n
Schmitt:<\/strong> Did they go crazy? <\/p>\n<\/div>\n\n
Musk:<\/strong> [laughs]<\/em> Yeah, they did \u2014 they did go crazy. I mean that whole cancel culture and, you know, trying to, trying to stop freedom of speech, and um, infringe upon, just in general, infringe upon people\u2019s personal freedoms. You know, they just want state control, state control of what you say\u2026 They wanna, they wanna, you know, take away your guns, and the reason they wanna take away your guns, is like, so there\u2019s nothing you can do to oppose them. So it\u2019s sort of like, you know, I just, I just, I just like. We, we, we, we just need to restore the fundamental elements of what made America great, which is, uh, freedom and opportunity. <\/p>\n<\/div>\n\n
Schmitt:<\/strong> We\u2019re seeing a lot of these freedoms disappearing in the West. It\u2019s not just about America. We\u2019re watching, we\u2019re all watching Europe and knowing that they\u2019re about 50, 100 years ahead of us, right? Because they got an early start, and we\u2019re watching how they\u2019re devolving, and you\u2019re trying to save it from happening here. <\/p>\n<\/div>\n\n
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\u201cI mean, in Europe, they put people in prison for memes. Yeah. You know, I\u2019m like, that\u2019s insane.\u201d<\/p>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n
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Musk: <\/strong>I mean, in Europe, they put people in prison for memes. Yeah. You know, I\u2019m like, that\u2019s insane.<\/p>\n<\/div>\n\n
Schmitt:<\/strong> They\u2019re collapsing. They\u2019re a collapsing society. It feels that way. <\/p>\n<\/div>\n\n
Musk:<\/strong> It\u2026 feels\u2026 like\u2026 <\/p>\n<\/div>\n\n
Schmitt:<\/strong> France was nicer 50 years ago than this.<\/p>\n<\/div>\n\n
Schmitt:<\/strong> I don\u2019t think you can question it.<\/p>\n<\/div>\n\n
Musk:<\/strong> Yeah. Um. so. Yeah. So. Yeah. I mean. Really. <\/p>\n<\/div>\n\n
He appears to be trying to start a sentence. Eventually he breaks down laughing. Someone in the crowd cheers, he turns to them. <\/em><\/p>\n<\/div>\n\n
Musk:<\/strong> Yeah, I love you too! I mean. I really, I really, I really just want to do useful things, like, you know, basically build products, you know, provide products and services that are that are good and I wasn\u2019t really that interested in being political. It, just, like, there was a certain point, no choice. Yeah. So, yeah. <\/p>\n<\/div>\n\n
Schmitt:<\/strong> Can I ask you \u2014 on the same side of that coin \u2014 what\u2019s it like going from neutral to being vilified, largely vilified by the media? I think you\u2019re \u2014<\/p>\n<\/div>\n\n
Musk:<\/strong> What? No. Really?<\/em> HANHHANHHHAHA!<\/p>\n<\/div>\n\n
Schmitt:<\/strong> I mean, turn on some of these channels, brother. I mean, they\u2019re angry at you. Does it bother you at all? <\/p>\n<\/div>\n\n
Musk:<\/strong> I mean, were they chanting for my death? I suppose that\u2019s a little, you know\u2026 like, the song\u2019s not even that gooooood. And it\u2019s like, it\u2019s like, you call that a death chant? [wriggles torso while seated] <\/em>That\u2019s noooothing, pleeease.<\/p>\n<\/div>\n\n
Schmitt:<\/strong> They\u2019ve been singing a lot lately. There\u2019s a lot of music lately. It\u2019s not good music either. Yeah, yeah. I would say that they\u2019re, you know, watching what you\u2019re doing with DOGE is just that \u2014 people love<\/em> it. <\/p>\n<\/div>\n\n
Schmitt:<\/strong> I mean, I\u2019ve always looked at the government and\u2026 I\u2019ve always looked at the government. I\u2019ve seen this big machine that, and you just know that they waste because they don\u2019t care. Nobody could. There\u2019s more money coming. They don\u2019t care. You\u2019re cutting all this out. Everybody in this country knows that the government is full of waste, fraud, and abuse, and you\u2019re doing the work, and the Americans love it. Watching their reaction politically to this, I can\u2019t believe how bad they are responding to this. I don\u2019t know how you\u2019re going to sit there and scream and complain because they\u2019re cutting waste out of the government and try to win another election. How do you try to win on that? <\/p>\n<\/div>\n\n
Musk: <\/strong>Well, at this point, I\u2019m like, I\u2019m not sure how much of the left is even real. <\/p>\n<\/div>\n\n
Schmitt: <\/strong>Like, how much was propped up by our money? <\/p>\n<\/div>\n\n
Musk:<\/strong> Yeah, you see, like, these, these sort of fake rallies with hardly any people and the media will, like, frame it, [making a rectangle with his fingers]<\/em> and like, you know, get all six people you know, in the frame, but it\u2019s like, nobody else is there, like, just, it doesn\u2019t have popular support, um. But there\u2019s, but then, but then you learn that, like, there\u2019s hundreds of billions of dollars going to these so-called NGOs, and that, and it\u2019s your tax dollars that are funding things that are fundamentally anti-American.<\/p>\n<\/div>\n\n
Schmitt: <\/strong>And they\u2019re propping up their narrative. A lot of that government money has been propping up a left that I don\u2019t think is, I don\u2019t think is as strong as they made it seem. <\/p>\n<\/div>\n\n
Musk:<\/strong> In fact, a massive amount of your tax dollars is going to legacy media companies, directly from the from, from the government. <\/p>\n<\/div>\n\n
Schmitt: <\/strong>The government wants to take over media. <\/p>\n<\/div>\n\n
Musk:<\/strong> Yeah, it\u2019s terrible. <\/p>\n<\/div>\n